


The Green Leaf Blazing

by Holy_Leonards



Category: L.A. Noire
Genre: Consensual, Crack, Drug Use, M/M, interrogation room sex, unsolicited murder, vic sandwich
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 10:13:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7570210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holy_Leonards/pseuds/Holy_Leonards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roy and Cole investigate the burning down of a building that involved marijuana.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Green Leaf Blazing

**Author's Note:**

> L.A. Noire is such a good game.

_A beautiful sunset marred by a thick cloud of smog. This is the city, Los Angeles. An arbitrary and ever changing number of people live in this great city. The wealthy, the rich, and the poor. I deal with the poor saps that get caught up in between all three of those things. When they get a little too morally corrupt, I step in and take charge. I carry a badge._

 

I was working the Vice desk one day when we get a call about a building burning down up in Hollywood. My partner, Earle took the call. My name's Phelps.

 

“What's the situation, Roy?”

 

“A couple of hopheads downtown burned down their house.”

 

“Wouldn't that be an Arson case?”

 

“I don't fucking know, you goodie two shoes! They mentioned that they were smoking reefer or something so that makes it a Vice case.”

 

“...420 blaze it...”

 

“What was that?”

 

“Uh..nothing.”

 

“Then let's go!”

 

We got into Earle's souped up convertible. He always insisted that I drive. I never did understand why. I mean, I would just end up crashing into literally everything on our way to our destinations. But, I always made it there on time.

 

We got to the ruins of the building at 9.00 A.M. and the arson fucks were already on the scene.

 

“Looks like the Arson fucks are already on the scene, Cole.”

 

“I'll look for any evidence, you handle the other dicks.”

 

“Is that some kind of insult, Cole?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I may have handled many dicks in my day, Phelps, but they were all very well taken care of!”

 

“I meant the detectives.”

 

“Oh, well...yeah. Just park the damn car!”

 

We got out and I walked over to the ruins. There wasn't much left to look through. A couple of charred corpses, a burnt muffin. I must have walked all over that property for twenty minutes listening and feeling for that mystifying ding-ding that told me that I found a clue. I always thought it was my dick senses, but my doctor told me it was terminal cancer. Go figure.

 

At last I had found the butts of the blunts that the fellas were smoking.

 

“Roy, look, I found these.”

 

“Perfect, Cole, now go put the two corpses in cuffs. We have enough to ensure they get the electric chair for life or whatever we charge for smoking reefer in 1947.”

 

I walked over to the corpse nearest to me and it started to stir. It moved its arms and pushed itself up from the ground and started running.

 

“Finger him, Cole!”

 

I started running for as fast as I can. I chased that charred corpse for three blocks across streets and through yards. When the corpse had decided to go down a long, straight alley I really closed In on him. I engaged my boosters and tackled him, all while a strange, rapid clicking sound came from the heavens.

 

As I tackled the corpse, it burst into dust.

 

“Dammit, Cole! HQ will have our heads for this, and I don't mean our pretty ones.”

 

I got back in the car and went back to the scene of the crime. The Arson fucks gave me a lead at a bar down the street. Rumor was that a regular customer liked setting fires a little too much.

 

We drove down and we went inside. It was 10 A.M. and the place was packed.

 

“Isn't it a little too early to drink, Roy?”

 

“Wha?”

 

My partner was chugging a gallon bottle of rum. What a useless meatbag. I went up to the bartender and asked about a firebug customer.

 

“Nope never heard of him.”

 

He was looking around really dramatically and his eyes were rolling around in their sockets.

 

“Doubt.”

 

“Fuck, fine! Put the hooks to me why don't ya! His name is Beanbag Corolla and he is sitting riiiiiiight there!”

 

He pointed to the stool at the end of the bar and a scruffy looking guy took off out the back of the bar.

 

“Suck him off, Cole!”

 

I ran out the same door and pulled out my gun. I pointed it at his back for a couple of seconds and then fired in the air. He hit the dirt like a puppy ready to roll in shit.

 

I cuffed the vic and we personally brought him back to HQ.

 

We dragged him into interrogation room 1 and got to work. Roy laid out a dildo, some handcuffs, some jumper cables, a gay pulp novel, some tweezers, a sub sandwich, three Havana cigars, some fuzzy dice, two peanuts, a hammer, two switchblades, and a jigsaw puzzle complete in the box. He only did this to scare them. There was never any intention of using any of these as torture...unless the vic consented.

 

“Mr. Corolla.”

 

“It's Beanbag to you, pig.”

 

“Beanbag, I just wanna ask a couple of questions.”

 

“Shoot.”

 

Roy pulled out his gun.

 

“If you say so.”

 

“I didn't mean it like that!”

 

“Of course.”

 

Roy put the gun back in his holster and unzipped his pants.

 

“Mister!”

 

“Roy, stop it.”

 

“Whatever, boss Phelps.”

 

I got out my handy dandy notebook and reviewed my questions. I had none. So, I decided to wing it.

 

“Beanbag, where were you last night?”

 

“Jerking off. What else would I be doing?”

 

I took a long look at him. His eyes were darting between the pulp novel and the handcuffs.

 

“You're lying, Beanbag! You were at that building that burned down right before it burned down! In fact, you burned it down!”

 

“You're full of shit!”

 

I looked at the evidence. Nothing. Lol let's wing it again.

 

Ding ding ding ding.

 

Failure.

 

“See? I was never there.”

 

I angrily cross out the question and go to the next one.

 

“Do you find me sexy?”

 

“I didn't- wait what?”

 

“You heard the question, Beanbag.”

 

“Well, yeah I do.”

 

He was looking me right in the eyes.

 

“Truth”

 

“You got a nice bod.”

 

“I agree, Phelps.”

 

I happily cross out that one. Now, for the daring one.

 

“Would you like a three way with Mr. Earle and I right here in this room!?”

 

“Now?”

 

“Answer the question, scum!”

 

“Yes! Yes I would.”

 

He was looking me even more in the eyes.

 

“Truth.”

 

Ding ding dwung.

 

Success.

 

“Take off your clothes you two. Then be ready for the hottest vic sandwich on cop bread you've ever experienced.”

 

They got nude and Roy bent over the table. Beanbag slipped in Roy and I slipped into Beanbag. We all kinda thrust out of sync and tried to get ourselves off. It was everyman for himself. Little did we know, the mirrors are two way. Everyone in the office could see us making the beast with two...uh...wait...one,two...three! Three backs!

 

I was in the zone. I kept sliding in and out of the tight Beanbag. His hole was as hot as the fire that he enjoyed setting and watching. It was fantastic. Couple it with Roy's sexy grunts and ahhhhhhh!!!! Photo finish.

 

I slip out and the sensation causes the Beanbag to finish which triggers Roy's ejaculation. We scramble to get dressed and then we sit back down.

 

“Beanbag Corolla, I am charging you with the burning and killing of two innocent hopheads!”

 

“But, I don't even smoke weed everyday!”

 

“The weed was charged to the corpses found in the house, but since we have a confession...”

 

“I am now charging you to two counts of uncanny weeding and unsolicited murder of two innocent hopheads. Roy, take him away!”

 

“My pleasure, bigsexy.”

 

The big boss guy comes running up to us.

 

“You two are outrageous!”

 

“I know, we got so many criminals off the street today, I think we deserve a commendation.”

 

“Commendations!? You were having gay sex on police property! That is a super crime! You are both demoted to smelly old Arson. I hope you enjoy Biggs as much as you do other men, because Biggs loves gay sex. They don't call him Biggs for nothin'. Now scram!”

 

One star, god I want to kill myself. I can smell the mothballs in the HQ of Arson already.

 


End file.
